It occurred to me-was it possible that this wasn’t nearly as big a deal to other people? Instead of bursting out “Yes! Yes! The hour of deliverance is at hand!” the guy replied, “Uh … I think so? I’ll need to check.” I asked if they had the vital potion I sought. Clearly, I was not a man to be trifled with. For all the manager on the other end of the telephone knew, I owned several dozen gun businesses. I was an American consumer, which is heaven’s favorite brand of human.
I called my local Kroger, sure of my righteousness. Living there, I thought Crystal Pepsi would be easy to locate and buy in bulk.īut like a kindergartener trying to explain the principles of jihad, I was just plain wrong. Believe me, if there is any place on earth for celebrating a corporate tie-in, it’s the Metroplex, the city where they filmed Robocop. I had another advantage: at the time of Crystal Pepsi’s return, I was in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. Nevertheless, I was sure this would be no impediment to my enjoyment of this nostalgia-laden sweet pop if any soda could bridge the gap between my sugar-guzzling and diet-soda days, Crystal Pepsi was that drink. When it came down to a decision between A) the excess calories of normal Coke, or B) the possibly dementia-inducing neurotoxins of diet soda, without hesitation, I chose the latter. Of course, there was a complication: after years of mainlining corn syrup in all its forms, I had given up on the stuff back in 2009. I’ve got Crystal Pepsi concerns to make time for. You know who doesn’t celebrate his birthday? Me. Norman Borlaug saved billions with his genetically engineered miracle wheat. Sure enough, the entry for Monday August 8 reads “Crystal Pepsi Returns.” There are countless heroes whose births and deaths I don’t recall in any way, shape, or form. Just now, writing this essay, I went to my Google Calendar and searched for the date. I literally, un-ironically marked the day Crystal Pepsi was returning to mankind. Sampling past flavors is one step closer to time traveling, which is one step closer to my ultimate goal of never dying. How much did I care? If I’d had children I’m pretty sure I would have sold them to Viacom for the chance to pursue this throwback taste opportunity. Was I going to act superior and pretend I didn’t care? Hell, no. It was a small white flower of hope in 2016’s constant blizzard-hell of celebrity deaths and hummus recalls. Imagine my surprise when earlier this year, the magicians at Pepsi-Cola announced they were bringing the drink back to life. With the exception of a few doom-preppers in the Dakotas who hoarded the stuff, I feel fairly confident in saying that Crystal Pepsi was absent from everybody’s life. It was the Nixon of soda brands: unloved but never quite dead. A hip, Van Halen-ish transparent cola beverage from yesteryear that hadn’t been cool enough to keep around. And yet, every once and again, I’d be reminded of what was missing from the world. But then they decided to stop making it, mostly because it had been a huge commercial failure. When I was a teenager, I loved Crystal Pepsi. But for me, this is the year they briefly relaunched Crystal Pepsi. So this effort has resulted in some nice coverage and raising of brand awareness.You may remember 2016 as the year the Cubs and Trump won, or the year Prince and Bowie died. Now, the soda giant has resurrected a relic of that not-really-simpler era we call the ’90s by announcing the return of Crystal Pepsi (for a limited time). The client turned to The Barbarian Group, which hired JWT vet Jill Applebaum to run Pepsi creative back in May, to announce its latest stunt with a digital video.Įveryone always loves some Tag Team, and the dial-up joke was pretty cool. With the VHS filter effect, it’s like they all went back…way back… back into time… (Jakeman, FTR, hasn’t actually confirmed anything about hiring small shops.) Pepsi also recently brought back BBDO for a campaign starring Marshawn Lynch as an “ unlikely spokesman.” PepsiCo is into making old things new again.įor example, HERO agency of New York recently petitioned the soft drink company’s marketing man Brad Jakeman to hire smaller shops with the #ChallengeMeBrad hashtag, though we hear that people don’t use those anymore.
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